Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
