Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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