I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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