You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
