Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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