I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
