Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
