haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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