Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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