Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
