i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
