I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
