I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
