I think I won the penis lottery.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
