a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
