I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
