Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
