One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
