hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
