I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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