I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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