how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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