New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
