Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
