This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
