All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize