The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize