I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
