You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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