Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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