benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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