if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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