Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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