I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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