Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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