My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
