Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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