Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
