Princesses don't give blow jobs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
