im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
