Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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