Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
