It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As shirtless as possible
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
