I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Less talking, more tequila
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize