Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
