I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
