I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just gift wrapped bread.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
