So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
farters have to be the big spoon...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
