they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
