Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
