I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
