): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
