peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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