I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize