I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
