living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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