I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
