Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
