What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
