but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
