Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
