My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
