i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
