I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
