You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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