just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
