honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
