so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You ruined the universe
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
