i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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