Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
