I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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