If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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